The hardest part

The third year brings all these questions very intesively though. All of the sudden it is not enough to have a good marks and good reputation. Just not enough. I started studying this because I wanted to understand, not to have good grades. But what if I will never truly understand this field? What if I am not talented and the determination will bring me just to a nice graduation marks but no further?

These questions push us to rethink our basic peronal values again and again. We just do not want to spend all our time on something we will never be good at. Something that does not lead anywhere. And when we have enough time to realize this, we get scared. We are scared of blury future and our limited knowledge. It is that great old fear, fear of the existence, the fear for which Kirkegaard never ask Regina to marry him. It is extremely important and does not lead anywhere. We have to be not afraid to make a decision. That is the truth.

I believe that it is important to go through this kind of doubting period once in a while. Eventhough this maybe does not make any sense, I write this exactly because there is someone who might understand. Because everyone sometimes goes through times of hardship and questioning. It is calming and liberating to realize that this kind of ‘going through’ is usually rather going back or standing at a point, and yet it is important. It is important to run in place once in a time.