Trinity

The Easter break which I thoroughly enjoyed in Oxford with my mum was over and new challenges were being presented only slowly. Nonetheless, by the end of the week 2 it was painfully clear just how difficult it was going to be. It was not the abundance of deadlines that scared me, but rather the lack of it. Overall, there were two. The first one for submission of a research design (I will tell you all about that later) and the approximate date of the exams right at the end of the term. Other than that there was nothing. It doesn’t have to be explained to anyone who’s ever worked without (many) deadlines, be it my fellow university students or other free spirits that this is an accident waiting to happen. No deadlines, no pressure, and combined with a false sense of security, no work done.

Yet, whoever has ever met me knows that this is something I love and I can take a huge advantage of. The chance to plan, divide, manage, and track my progress as I want it, is my great pleasure and I (believe) made the best use of it. Soon enough I had little timetables, files, pockets, and cards which served me greatly in the final weeks of revision (I have even considered renting out my flash cards to those of my classmates whose priorities leaned more towards the fun and exciting side of Oxford life). Besides the exam revision, another challenge was to be dealt with during Trinity. My research had to be designed, submitted, and along with a gazillion forms approved by various university bodies. Usually, this process takes a month to be finished and it is not uncommon for students to receive a negative response from the feared university risk assessment centre. I (and I am proud of this fact) have secured all my approvals on my first try, which gave me a new hope that if I have defeated the bureaucracy, surely I can do anything.

That was something I kept reminding myself as I waited in a huge marquee which was erected right in front of the Examination School where all Oxford exams take place. Approximately a thousand students desperately hanging on to very similar thoughts to relieve at least a miniscule amount of stress before being let into the quiet, intimidating halls filled with endless rows of desks and fearsome invigilators. One of the idiosyncrasies connected with Oxford is the tradition of wearing a gown and a subfusc (the Oxford “uniform”) to the exams. Although there has been some debate about whether having a compulsory uniform is still desirable, the tradition is strong and mostly welcome. Nevertheless, the panic of furious searching for a matching pair of black socks (and they do check the socks!) the morning before an exam is far from appreciated. But then, when you are in the exam room searching for your desk number, the last thing you pay attention to is what you are wearing. The stress peaks, nervousness impacts every part of your body, and suddenly there’s not enough air. I try not to mention this to anyone, but in an odd masochistic way I love these few moments of organised, built-up and safe stress. In a few minutes though it passes you turn over the question list and get ready to face three hours of intense academic labour.

When all is done, on the afternoon after the last exam, you expect to feel a wave of peace and relieve, but somehow your body is too slow to get the message and it still works in the exam mode. So you have to force it a little bit. With chocolate, a little bit of sports and a good company. This has partially worked for me, yet as I woke up on a Saturday morning, my brain still managed to convince me that there is more revision waiting. The following week was the most relaxed time I’ve had in Oxford which I spent in coffee shops, in the beautiful Blenheim Palace, and punting on the river Isis. I have to say I loved Trinity. As they say, the best for the last.