“How to be a Brit” - George Mikes

Originally, this Hungarian journalist came to the UK in 1938 to report about the Munich Crisis and after the outbreak of WWII he stayed for the rest of his life. His satiric commentaries are fascinating because of the variety of topics that the author examines, for the accuracy of national characteristics and most of all for the author’s perspective who started from scratch when he came to England as a foreigner. Unlike him, I was lucky enough to enter the environment of an international university, where being continental is nothing exceptional, but still we both share the experience of being continuously surprised by an incomprehensible culture.

The book How to be a Brit is divided between three parts, which were created consecutively as time progressed. Each chapter depicts one national characteristic and some of them are reviewed in newer chapters, as Mikes collected experience. In the later parts he comments on how the pre-war Britain changed into a modern society with new manners and habits. I have to confirm that today’s generation of students is different in many aspect to the one described in the book: in many regards more open and European-like.
 
Apart from all the innovations arising from the opening of the island towards Europe, the “true” Brits - I mean those with hereditary history, no matter what social class - stick with their traditions strongly. Although many institutions enforce integration of various cultural groups under the influences of tolerant inclusive policies, native Brits keep their heritage firmly under their mask of openness and love for foreignness. It’s pretty easy to take part in a decent conversation about the weather, however talking with a Brit really openly is quite more demanding. I know a lot of English, Welsh and Scottish people and I even think of them as of friends, but I cannot say yet that I have got to the bottom of their aloofness and polite distance. As to the weather conversations, Mikes recommends to never express disagreement, only consent is allowed if you don’t want to offend anyone.
 
Not to complain and to be in a positive frame of mind is an imperative, without which it will not get far. "Complaining is absolutely non-English. When the shop assistant (promoted for his services to the nobility) lets you wait by the counter for half an hour, when the bus driver or registry officer speak more sharply than you would expect or when the waiter brings your dish completely cold, just leave it, do not say anything.” Once you begin with this positive attitude, you will find that instead of Czech grumbling you hear sorry and thank you more often. One day you will even hear yourself saying a sincere thank you to the bus driver when he leaves you at your home bus stop (that would be a very untypical thing in Czech Republic). Say thank you even in cases of problems and delays - complaining might be perceived as a serious criticism of the company, and it would be either deliberately ignored or you might end up filling Service Quality Evaluation Form consisting of many questions on many pages and transforming your initial anger into hate of bureaucracy. No matter how malicious this might seem - remember that the true nature of a Brit craves for order, correctness and most of all for fairness (defined as vaguely as below). In most of them, there is a dormant and unfulfilled desire to save the world, which is why they organize so many charity events and cupcake sales.

After all I believe that all the British insisting on tradition will lead to a negative outcome of the September referendum on Scottish independence. Although the reformist group of separatists called YES is very active in promoting the ideals of independence, I believe that most Scots will succumb to the negative campaign spreading fear of economic uncertainty and advertising risks of trade and EU future. Personally I would vote for independence - I perceive Scotland as a country with its own vision of social policy and different cultural and national identity (I have visited several parliamentary debates in the Scottish Parliament in Holyrood and it seems that Scots prefer to delimit themselves from Westminster, although this might be treated by further increasing of the number of devolved matters). In reality, though, I do not feel entitled to spread my opinion too vehemently, because the future of the nation should be in the hands of its inhabitants. Yet I could have applied for the ballots, which are available to all EU citizens living or studying in Scotland. My humble guess of the overall result is that independence will get 38% of votes, but finally all Europe might be surprised by Scottish desire for novelty.
 
The phenomenon which Mikes identified as the most intriguing about British culture is the way of communication in which clear disapproval must not be pronounced just as well as obvious truth must remain silent. When discussing sensitive issues, tactical un-finishing of thought is expected - the idea must be only outlined with the expectation of listener’s understatement of the deeper implications. This way it is the listener who is responsible for the (un)pronounced thought.
 
Mikes presents the reserved aloofness of Brits as an opposite to the continental temperamental ferocity. When a young man proposes to his loved one, he doesn’t kneel down like a European - instead he says dryly: "You know what, in fact I have nothing against you”. My experience confirms this tendency. When my classmates want to express an opinion about someone they don’t quite like, they don’t use many colourful descriptions as us Czechs would, instead they usually proclaim something like “he’s all right”.
 
The British are not only polite and courteous, they also excel in the art of compromise, which they apply in all areas of life. Mikes even explains the known mystery of single glazed British windows with the need of compromise: "An average English house does have windows, but it would be a mistake to require double glazed windows. Double glazing would prevent winds from penetrating into the room, which would be unfair, because the winds would thus lose their natural rights. Central heating, yes, but never in the bathroom, because it would be unfair to British microorganisms." The art of compromise is reflected not only in the life of an individual and his conversations, but also in the functioning of the state - the British membership in the EU can also be considered as another compromise, regarding the number of exemptions.

"Britain is the only country in the world where the expression 'it's not fair' is considered as a valid argument. The word fair cannot accurately translate into other languages; although they have approximate equivalents, the difference in meaning is considerably diverse. Even English people have certain difficulty explaining what that word means." Dictionary definitions provide a wide range of synonyms. Used as an adjective the word fair can have the following meanings: middle quality, not too bad, decent, positive, hopeful, gentle, open to the permissible, open, honest and honourable, just, formed in a way that cannot be described as fraudulent or illegal, measured, revered and many others, which I think is a reasonably fair (in the British sense) definition of the word. Another confusing expression is “fair enough”, which is usually the last word of the conversation, indicating previous ideas were understood and accepted. At first I had the impression that when a Brit has had enough of the conversation, he says “fair enough”, which means something like “whatever”. Only after longer time I was able to appreciate this non-resistant politeness, which has nothing to do with careless rejection.
Next, the book describes the English way of dining, which is mostly incomprehensible to most Europeans, then the tendency to cat-worshipping and the ritual of regular shopping. Mikes writes that "Shopping is a social, not a business thing". I can only confirm this, since most of my classmates really do spurs around the shops every Saturday hunting for new clothes.
 
And just as George Mikes got used to the culture and manners of the islanders, I am also slowly getting used to the foggy weather, tightly defined and specifically named types of biscuits (Digestives, Hobnobs, Jaffa Cakes, Gingernuts, Custard Cream, Bourbon, Crunch Creams, Fig Rolls and Shortbread) and I even dare to say that I am slowly gaining the ability to make small talk. And even though I sometimes like to make fun of the characteristics of the British people, I am slowly but surely accepting and embracing this culture - my Czech friends often convict me of gradual indoctrination. Recently a quarrel broke out about how unbearable the lady behind the counter in Metro was, when she refused to sell us the student coupons, although we have had all the correct student evidence. Unlike my swearing friends I started to excuse her in an entirely British way - to the surprise of us all I insisted that she must have been working long hours and that she deserves our appreciation for her services. In the end, I almost wanted to thank her for her “fair” treatment (yes, this is where the dichotomy of of this word becomes apparent - it can be polite and proper at the same time as not objectively just).

When looking at my summer program, the influence of British culture is undeniable. I started the break with an internships at British Council in Prague, then I was helping as a volunteer for the Czech branch of The Duke of Edinburgh Award, I plan to spend July teaching English at a summer camp and in August I will work as a guide (in English) on an exhibition at Prague Castle. I am no longer able to distance myself from my growing Britishness - it is all around me. On the other hand, I sometimes have very sentimental moments of Czech patriotism - last time this love for my nation and its cuisine made me cook my very first Czech tomato sauce. Actually it is exactly these occasional feelings of national cohesion, which helped us, the Czech students, to still meet in the UK. In the picture below, it is me, Kuba and Kristýna on a dinner in Edinburgh.

Finally, I want to express my deep gratitude to The Kellner Family Foundation for making my studies in the UK possible. Despite all the mistakes I have made, I still believe that these two years taught me a lot - both academically and also in terms of responsibility for my own life. Thanks to this support I could discover British culture live and not only from the books of George Mikes.